Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Liberation Thinking

Liberation Thinking

“The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is a normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave” --Assata Shakur




.Last night I read this quote, and while I liked it, and could relate to it, for me, it felt incomplete. I'll explain why. Years ago, I had a most amazing teacher by the name of Eldridge Greer. He had started to talk about “Liberation Thinking”. I was intrigued, and knew this statement in and of itself held and was truth. He had just begun to develop and implement his ideas in the counseling center he was director of, and where I worked for him. Unfortunately, at the same time, the most hideous racism I've ever seen began to rear its ugly head right before our very eyes. I watched in horror as he was slowly but surely taken down by the racism of the white staff that he supervised. Sadly and truly, these same staff supposedly believed in the principles of multiculturalism. Yet, this did teach me that even those who espouse and try to live the principles of liberation, and cross-cultural understanding, fall victim to the tangled vines of racism and have a hard time breaking free. In their inability to break free, they are also unable to see how their internalized racism is operating on, within and through them. It is a poison.
What I also learned from this situation is that as a person of color, I too must work on my internalized oppression, and keep working to set myself free from the trap that threatens to keep me enslaved.
The  above quote speaks to me of a phase in this growth and learning.
We must first figure out who we are. Then we began to see how we have been affected and enslaved during our lives by the systems that oppress. Next, once we see this, we have to change our thinking. If we continue to believe that we are slaves, we will continue to act and respond as slaves. It requires a vigilance, and I would counter that rather than fixating on ones oppression, we must instead come to see how it operates within us, and learn to first change our thinking, then our actions toward ourselves (self sabotage, etc.) and toward others. We cannot stay stuck. We must began to believe that we are liberating ourselves, and finally, we must plant within our whole being a sense that we are indeed liberated and free, and live as such. I wrote the following as my personal response to the above quote that speaks to what I just stated:
Then you have to firmly, totally, and completely go about the task of liberating yourself. You cannot remain a slave... ..or even continue to allow "slave mentality" to remain in your consciousness. it has to be rooted out like the awfullest of weeds...from the beauty of your colorful and luscious garden...
As a therapist, I have had the honor of seeing many people of color in my time, and have come to see that what is most difficult is starting the journey to a place where one learns to simply love and honor self enough that one no longer can act, live and behave in ways that damage ones being. That being becomes and must stay precious and sacred.
After graduate school, without my conscious knowledge, I set out on a path that would eventually lead to what I see as my liberation. I had to continuously look at myself as a being worthy of loving. I had to keep challenging the parts of myself that had been twisted by the racism of others and the systems I'd come into contact with over my life. I declared a moratorium on my reading material—I decided that for at least the next 3 years, I would read only books by people of color, I would not read books by white men, as I'd been, what I felt, indoctrinated by their words all of my life. I started with books by Black women, then I moved on to other women of color. My education was rich! Through the words of Alice Walker, Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, Pearl Cleage, Octavia Butler, Audre Lorde, bell hooks, and the list goes on and on,  I began to find my own voice. I began to feel a pride in who I am, in the struggles that have taught me and brought me to where I am now. I then began to understand and hear the words of other women of color—Isabelle Allende, Gail Tsukiama, Leslie Marmon Silko, Paula Gunn Allen, Arundhati Roy, and many more who helped me to see how other women around the world have struggled in much the same way, though differently, depending on their countries of origin, and the systems they had to be entangled in. Through this turning away from the droning words of white men, I was able to reach places within myself that were always there, but needed to be awakened by my sisters all over the world. This is where and when I began to truly feel that I could see what freedom looks like.
From there, it has been the joy of life experiences that have schooled me, and helped me to keep walking this liberating path. In the last 6 months, I was lucky enough to be in living situations with two well-meaning but racist white women who took me further down the road than I ever would have made it alone. They showed me how I'd been enslaved, they showed me how I had acted in the past in response to the pressing, smothering, maiming, killing weight of racism. Their ignorance brought me clarity, their lack of seeing brought me sight, their random unthinking actions taught me how to be as Audre Lorde said, deliberate and unafraid. I have no more time for fear. I am a fearless warrior of my own liberation, and I now see that part of my new work as a healer in the world is to help impart this warrior fearlessness to my brothers and sisters. The work is to help us all to learn and know with certainty what it means to simply be able to live as liberated people who no longer need to see ourselves as slaves.
I am now living as a woman who is aware of oppression, but doesn't need to live in and with it. My mind and heart are set on my liberation, and the beauty of my colorful and luscious garden is growing by leaps and bounds. I am grateful to all of my teachers...

Friday, March 1, 2013

Pictures from Liberation Day at Wounded Knee









Liberation Day, February 27, 2013—Wounded Knee

Liberation Day, February 27, 2013—Wounded Knee Memorial
(I went to Pine Ridge to deliver the latest batch of supplies for the folks there, and this is a short accounting of an event I was lucky enough to be present for)


I am standing on the same site I was back in December., but the scene today, rather than a snowy, deserted landscape of graves and a quiet ghostly silence, is, by contrast, alive with the energy of celebration and hope. Wounded Knee has long been a monument to the struggle of the First People of America to reclaim their rightful place in the annals of history of the United States. As I wrote about in a previous blog, the first significant event that happened on this site, of course, was the massacre in December of 1890. Since that time, the mention of Wounded Knee has been a battle cry, and a rallying cry—written about from various angles, but remembered by most as a place where a deep and grave tragedy occurred that put yet another stain on America's colonizing and bloody history.

February 27, 1973, was the beginning of an occupation by the Lakota of the Pine Ridge Reservation and many of their allies, to protest a corrupt and unjust tribal governing body, as well as the conditions of abject poverty on this reservation that continues today. First People have come from many places far and wide to remember, to share, and to give hope.

If you have ever been to a “Four Directions March” you will understand and remember the beauty and the pageantry that happens. Essentially, folks gather together in the direction of their choosing, in this case, seemingly connected with whatever part of the reservation they live on. Folks are dressed in their finery—their feathers, native dress, and/or the clothing that for them has meaning—chamo and face masks, Viet Nam veteran hats and vests displaying medals of bravery. There are banners of various organizations—AIM (American Indian Movement), and the newest Movement group—Idle No More, as well as simple and powerful messages--”Honor the Treaties!”. As you can imagine, all of this together created quite a spectacle of color and energy. There were also a number of folks on horseback. I noticed that the security—while overseen by the tribal police, was carried out on the ground by a number of young people in black shirts—this was heartening and wonderful to see. This brought forth the sense that everyone had a part in making this celebration happen, and that the young are no less important as carriers of the future of their people.

The folks we were with were to be entering from the direction of the North. Along the route, there were stops along the way for the people to hear words of encouragement, to remind them of history, and the continuing need for hope and steadfastness in the ongoing struggle for dignity, peace, and the right to simply live as they wish, and to practice their ancient ways that I believe hold the keys to the healing of Turtle Island—our blessed Motherland.

My physical limitations wouldn't allow me to walk the 7 miles, so, for awhile, I followed along in my vehicle. I finally went on ahead to the Wounded Knee site, and you cannot imagine the joyful noise and the numbers of people who had started to gather. It was such an amazing spectacle to witness. One could not help but be drawn in by the excitement that was building as each new group from a direction arrived.

One by one, each of the directions arrived. I couldn't help but be very touched at the sight of their arrivals and the mood each group carried. One group came with horseback riders following behind. For some reason, I flashed to pictures I've seen of the First People on horses, and how they seem to actually become one with the horse, as if there is no line between the human and animal, and I rememberd how often the Native folks speak of “our relations” in the saying: Mitakuye Oyasin (All Are Related). Indeed, it became clear to me in that moment—and now, how deeply that goes, and why when I go to the Reservation, I always feel as if I've entered another world. I now see, that it is because I leave the world outside where everything is disjointed, and disconnected. I leave a world where there is so much pain, sadness, racism, hatred and fear. I respectfully enter a world there, where it feels as if the Mother is so very alive. The ground sings, the wind blows occasional whisps of dust—letting us know that the ancestors are there, and the peacefulness I feel, standing on and viewing the land is like nothing I've ever felt in the outside world.

Even in the poverty, even with so much that has been taken from the First People down through history, there was so much joviality present as the celebration became more and more connected, with the entrance of each new group. Then, finally, when the last group (the group my people were in) arrived, the excitement seemed to break out into a full frenzy of joyousness—the Mother drum became louder, and the singing could be heard all through the valley that is Wounded Knee. I admit that I was startled often due to the gun salutes that happened intermittently. I could somehow see how the Mother seemed to come alive here, and how beautiful Her people are in their ancient raising of sound to honor Her, and all the relations present.

There were speeches, again, inciting the people to continue to have hope,. At some point, they moved into the sacred space where the mass grave of the ancestors from the 1890 massacre is. There were prayers and more singing in words I could not understand, but somehow, as goosebumps rose on my body, I could not help but feel what was being said, and I know that the ancestors were being honored. I know that there was a sense of the renewed grief of all the years and all the struggle they have been through down through time. Yet, and this is what always amazes me, the First People have never lost their dignity, and their quiet warmth and deep deep understanding of the wisdom of Mother Earth, Father Sky, Grandfather Sun, and Grandmother Moon. In never having lost that connection, it is clear to me that one day, and I hope I live to see it, the balance will be restored, the Frist People will step back into the place they deserve to be in—as the keepers of the wisdom of all things in Nature, and all of our relations. I hope for this, along with them, I pray for this. Ah-ho.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Liberation--how did I start?


Navigating beginnings of new relationships is always tricky. As a woman of color, it is extra tricky, as I have been on a growth and liberation path for sometime now.  I taught Multicultural classes at Naropa for many years, hence I've gotten to be an expert in the field.  A part of my journey towards personal liberation, however,  is around learning to explore for myself the ways in which I have been able to name my own internalized oppression, as well as to learn what internalized racism looks like in others, as the two work together. Here is some of what I've learned, along the way.

I met a person a while ago who said, right off--"please forgive me, I will make mistakes around race and such, as I, like all of us in America, was raised in an environment of racism and sexism." They further went on to say: "And I know that you have been having to educate people around you all of your life, so, I am asking you, if you would be willing, to simply point out to me, any occasion or situation wherein I have offended you.” 

I said: "Because you asked, rather than assume that I would teach you, I will be happy to do so. All I ask of you, is that when that happens, and when I point out things to you, please know that it comes from a loving place." From that moment forward, I could trust that person and over time they have been a true and loyal friend.We have navigated various situations together where they learned to be my ally and have my back when racism was coming at me from others, as well as to have wonderful discussions about how we can each help each other and learn to be better at naming and changing our behaviors. We have learned and grown together in major ways. To be around this person is a treasure and one of the places in my life where I get to just breathe and be. 

At other times in my life, I have met people who would say right off, "Well, I'm certainly not racist, I was raised not to see color." To whom I reply: "Well, you have just told me that you will be purposely negating a whole part of who I am." I then knew that with those who speak in this fashion, I must observe them longer, and hold my trust, until I'm sure it can be given--if ever.  Sadly, these persons over time would attempt to show and tell me how superior they were by trying to best anything I would say by giving a “bigger” or “better” story. They would challenge me and try to find ways to narrate my life in their words. They would take any occasion they could to try to belittle me, or see if they could make me feel less than--they seemed to always be trying to "put me in my place" as most racist folks do. 
Because of being raised in this culture as well, I am an acute and intuitive observer, and their attempts were futile and wasted on me. Indeed, I  often laughed to myself, as I found them to actually be comical in their pathetic fear of losing the “top dog” position when they were around me. This doesn't mean I was unkind to them, indeed, I was kind and respectful of them, in ways they never were of me. Yet, their continual attempts were enough to show me that I could never give them my trust, and they would never be a true friend. They wonder always why I keep them at arms length, and that they will never get to see the real me that I show to my dearest and time proven friends.

What these two stories show are two very different ways that those of the owning class, or colonizing group choose to go about working on their own internalized racism. The first is the path of least resistance--look at this culture for what it is, learn from it, seek out information and understanding, learn what it means to be a ally, learn how to connect with people of other cultural groups by showing your open heart and desire to work things out in positive ways...Or...the other path, which is ultimately the path of destruction and the one that perpetuates the ongoing racism and other isms that are present in our culture--like the air we breathe. Ones arrogance and assertion that "I'm not racist" is the first sign to us people of color that you are. The arrogance in somehow believing that one is "above" racism because they were taught that there was no such thing as color difference if very visible to us. They do not understand that color is present. It matters to the whole world, what color one is--it directs quotas, jobs, treatment on all levels, etc. We who are "people of color" means that we have come to understand, how all of these things work, and our color is not something we can pretend away, or wash away, or move away from. Over time, for me personally, I have come to love, and embrace the beauty of my skin, my hair, my dark eyes, my African body and everything else about me that makes me who I am. So, when I am told by someone they don't see my color, they are telling me, in essence that all the ways I am indeed of color, is lost to them, and they negate a whole part of who I am.

If only folks could get out of their ignorance and arrogance to see what they are really doing, and how they are going about actually proving how very racist they truly are overtly and hurtfully. It is sad that they do not see how they are hell bent on proving their rightness and superiority. In doing this, they don't even know that they have probably been insulting others all of their lives, and will continue to do so, until they wake up and see the pain they are causing not just the people of color around them, but all the other people in their lives who are trying to learn and grow out of this disease that has been a part of our culture since its beginning. 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Return to Pine Ridge and Visit to Wounded Knee



Return to Pine Ridge

Driving into Pine Ridge this time gave me a very different kind of excitement than when I came here for the protest in August. When I came, before, I was a stranger, and I think I was in awe of being on a reservation. Until...until I began to listen to the stories of her people, and to understand the centuries old battle that they had been in, and what they had to deal with on a day to day basis—just to survive.
I remember feeling the growing of a deep sense of anger at the conditions of the lives of the people, and how the United States government could let this continue, or worse that our government wasn't even just a passive, but an active participant in the ongoing oppression and genocide of this land's First People.
I had listened intently and with an unspeakably deep sadness to the stories told to us be the wise people of the Lakota tribe. The stories touched me because they were the stories of my relations. Here on Mother Earth, we are all interconnected, and there is no separation between us, we ARE all related—there is no question.
So, knowing this, I cannot sit by and watch, when there is something I can do. From my years as a single mother, at times on welfare and foodstamps, I was not able to even think about doing activism when I was simply trying to make ends meet. Obviously, this is a part of the ongoing oppression—creating conditions in the lives of people so that they are too tired, too hungry, too depressed to be able to rise up. Yet, and still, people have, down through time, found the energy, strength and courage to keep fighting for justice and freedom. Also, from my time as a single mother, and a lifetime of being a woman of color, I can understand not only dealing with oppression, depression, and an ongoing need to provide what my children needed, even if it meant I went without. Yet, I also know that living in the colonized culture has its perks of programs that are available for the single low-income parent.
I have embarked on my journey, and found that it doesn't look like I thought it would, yet, I know this is what it is. What I know is that the people on the reservation, no matter what has been done to them—they still have their ancient ways, and a medicine so strong, it cannot be taken from them, no matter how much the “fat taker” culture has tried. (see my earlier posts to understand the story of the “fat taker”)
I was elated when I found—on Craigslist oddly enough—a young man and his wife who were grateful to be able to take all the things I'd collected over to Pine Ridge. I know that they got a huge education while they were there. They came away with a sense of wanting to do more of the work I've embarcked upon—funny how going there often does that to one...
We were treated to a movie that showed a number of Indigenous elders talking about the hideousness of the boarding schools, which I was surprised to know didn't end that long ago. As if the trauma of being beseiged by forced genocide from one source or another wasn't enough—they had to deal with being hauled away from their families as young ones, had their hair cut, made to speak english, give up their spirituality and ways, their foods, their families, their clothes, and learn the way of the whites of that time, who thought they were doing them a favor!
I feel as if I come away each time with more amd nore information and understanding that I have been trying to share with folks in the “mainstream culture”. Many folks have known something of what has been the history of the First People, but many do not, and seem not to be able to take in what I'm telling them of the poverty, the loss to death of Indigenous elders by starvation and freezing, the alcoholism that has been killing many and causing other side effects, etc. And a poverty so deeply entrenched with its intention of weakening the people and each new generation that is born—simply--cultural genocide. It deeply saddens me when people cannot take it what I'm saying. I've seen them look first concerned, then their eyes tear up, as if they just might get it, then their eyes glaze over, and they usually say--”It's wonderful work you're doing Soltahr” and go on to the next thing. Except for those few who get it, and have been generous with their time and what little money any of us can spare in this harsh economy, there are actually many who never even bother to ask what they could do.
Yet, I will continue undaunted, for I've truly come to feel that our lives depend on the lifting up of the First Peoples—back to their rightful place in this culture—a place where they are honored and have their dignity and respect. Because in so doing, we will all be uplifted.

Wounded Knee

The morning we were leaving Pine Ridge, I asked if we could stop at Wounded Knee. I'd always wanted to visit this sacred site, but the last trip was so focussed on the action, we didn't get a chance to.
The site is such that if you weren't looking for it, you could easily miss it, but once you're there, there's no missing the messages of this National Historical Landmark. As you pull up, there is this large red two sided sign, that gives the story of the massacre that occurred on December 29, 1890.I think that what struck me the most as I read the story, is that there is no clear understanding as to why the people were being held by the 7th Calvery in the first place. Yet, the deeper awareness is of course that they saw them as somehow “savage and dangerous”, especially because there had been talk that they would do the “Ghost Dance” that terrified the military and the US government. Sadly, the massacre happened because of an errant shot that set off the shooting, and when it was over the numbers vary between 150 and 300 men, women and children were massacred (as well as a number of the soldiers, who were killed by “friendly fire”--what an odd name—friendly fire!)



As I started walking across the street, I realized that even though it was up a rather steep and snowy hill, I knew I had to go there. A very thin young man who was out walking his dog, sort of showed up all of a sudden and started walking with me. We introduced ourselves, he said his name was Daniel. As we passed a round brown building housing the “curio” shop (pictured below), he pointed out that the roof had rocks on it to keep it from blowing off until they could get it fixed in the Spring, it wasn't open at the time.


As I turned and looked to the South of where we were, I noticed a gateway. It opened into the path up the hill, and as I looked up the hill, there was yet another gateway that stood at the top of the hill, at the entrance to the cemetary—shown below.. I've always felt a certain reverance when crossing through gateways, as they mean that you are crossing into another realm. In a magical way, they mean that you will somehow be changed after you return from beyond the gateway. I passed through and gave a short bow with my hands held in prayer, as is my way of offering homage to the sacred. My walk up the hill was a little tricky for this elder woman, and though I slipped a little a couple of times, I didn't fall down. Another thing I've always felt about gateways, if you pay homage to the spirits that dwell there as you enter, you will be protected and cared for as you journey there.

 Daniel and his dog had walked a little ahead of me, yet, I noticed he sort of kept a watchful eye out for me—I guess in respect for the fact that I was obviously an elder woman, and at one point when I slipped a little, he quickly reached out his hand. I was struck by his quiet gentleness—as seems to me to be the way of many of the folks I've met here on the reservation.
Finally reaching the top (only a little out of breath—thank you Clay for all the walks...) I again offered homage at the entrance of the second gateway, and immediately felt, upon entering, that I was indeed in a very holy and sacred place.
Stretched out in front of me was a chain link fence, that according to Daniel housed/enclosed the mass grave of those who'd been massacred.


Just to the right of it, in the picture, you can see the monument that was built with the names of the people who were buried there. It was powerful for me to stand there—first looking down at the grave itself, then to take in and mouth to myself, the names of all of the people on the monument itself. Inwardly, I felt such a deep sadness that this had occurred. To the back of the monument was a part of the fence on which people had put momentos, prayer ties, etc. I searched in my pockets for something, anything, but found nothing, as I'd not thought to bring anything. Then, as I was about to leave, I realized that I could and did simply tear off a piece of the hem of my shirt, and with sadness and honoring inside, tied it to the fence with a prayer in my heart and on my lips that somehow, I hoped with all of my heart, that those buried there would not have died in vain. That somehow, if there was something I could do, I would...
While I was doing this, Daniel and his dog had been quietly walking around to other parts of the cemetary, keeping distance in knowledge of the need to allow someone to be with the sacred ancestors who had given their lives—originally for no reason whatsoever. As I thought about it, this monument remains as a testament to the ridiculousness of what has happened historically to the Lakota, and all of the other Indigenous peoples of this country, and all over the world. It ontinues to be impossible for me to think these thoughts without tears in my eyes and in my heart. I think it is because really, and truly, I do not understand why. Yet, I do know, on some level we all do. The First Peoples had to be subdued because they were a threat to those who did not honor and understand the secrets of the ancient ways of loving Mother Earth and Father Sky. As we have come to see, Mother Earth and Father Sky are suffering, along with the Water and the Air, and all of the creatures and beings that exist here on Earth. The Indigenous peoples of every land know the secrets, and others who have learned the devotion that is necessary, can know the secrets as well.
As I walked out of the enclosed area, Daniel approached me again, as I was looking at a set of three graves just outside of the mass grave area. On the first grave was inscribed the name “Lost Bird”.

 As I was looking at this grave, Daniel began to tell the story of how, after the massacre, when they turned over the body of one of the women, they found, wrapped in a blanket a tiny baby. Apparently, as the story goes—General Colby took the child as his “prize” and he and his wife raised her as their own. At some point, the General, left his wife for another woman. Some years later, he returned after his wife had died, and impregnated Lost Bird, who had one child that was stillborn, and another who lived, but no one seems to know what happened to that child. Shortly thereafter, Lost Bird died of pneumonia complicated by the disease syphllis, that she'd gotten from the General himself—at the young age of only 19. His “prize”. Just the thought of that term being applied to a baby, much less a young woman, sickened me. I could not even summon the emotions with which to deal with the depth of sadness I saw on Daniel's face as he finished this story, that echoed within my own heart...


The story of the next two graves I looked at are interconnected as they are the graves of a mother and son. According to Daniel, the mom—Agnes La Monte fought tirelessly after the murder of her son Lawrence La Monte after his death at Wounded Knee in the other historical event that took place on this site in 1973. The story goes roughly as follows.
There had been internal problems related to the new tribal chairman, Richard Wilson, who'd been elected, and was seen as being corrupt and as coorporating with the US Government and the FBI. There was also great unrest around the conditions on the reservation, (which continue) one of the poorest in the country. On February 27, members of AIM (American Indian Movement) and supporters on the Pine Ridge Reservation began a 71 day occupation on the site of the Wounded Knee Massacre that happened in 1890. They occupied the town and announced their demand for the removal of Wilson from office and for immediate revival of treaty talks with the US government. Dennis Banks and Russell Means were prominent spokesmen during the occupation; they often addressed the press, knowing they were making their cause known directly to the American people. The occupation was surrounded by roadblocks established by the Federal government for 15 miles in every direction, and Wilson placed his own police outside of the boundary—his group called GOON (Guardians of the Oglala Nation) squad were financed by the Federal Government.
So, my young tour guide told me a story about Lawrence D. La Monte, a story that is known mostly, to his people, and Buddy La Monte was again, another indigenous man that time forgot.
Apparently, Lawrence “Buddy” La Monte had been stationed in Viet Nam, and returned home to the
reservation in time for the occupation that was occuring. According to one account, When Lawrence "Buddy" Lamont, a local Oglala Lakota, was killed by a shot from a government sniper on April 26, he was buried on the site in a Sioux ceremony. After his death, tribal elders called an end to the occupation. Knowing the young man and his mother from the reservation, many Oglala were greatly sorrowed by his death. Both sides reached an agreement on May 5 to disarm. With the decision made, many Oglala Lakota began to leave Wounded Knee at night, walking out through the federal lines. Three days later, the siege ended and the town was evacuated after 71 days of occupation; the government took control of the town.
According to my young friend, there is a fact that is often left out, that being that Buddy La Monte had been in Viet Nam, and after he was shot, he received a dishonorable discharge from the military. For many years after the event, his mother fought to have his dishonarable discharge removed, she was eventually successful—many years later, after his death. She died soon thereafter, and her grave is right next to his. What seems ironic of course is that here was a man, returning from a very unpopular war, to a war in his own land, against his own people, and he was killed by the same military he had served in, and was seen as dishonorable. In the moments after he told me this, I could only shake my head in sadness, knowing only too well how unjust the United States has been over time to so very many of its people, and how many of those same people have served it proudly and given their lives to protect what little of the freedoms they actually shared with the ruling/owning class of the country...ironic.
My young tour guide continued to point out to me, a number of other graves in the graveyard that belonged to his relations. I took a number of pictures, which couldn't capture the peacefulness of the small cemetary, and the power that was there, as I continued to be rivited back to the sight of the mass grave, and as I often do, when thinking of the dead, wondered at the strength of their spirits, and felt clear that they must often show up when they are needed to continue to aid their people in the ongoing struggle for justice, fairness and peace.



Finally, I realized that I'd been gone from my young transportation friends for quite a while, and that I needed to get going. I bowed, with hands folded, honoring and thanking my young friend Daniel for showing up out of nowhere and being willing to give me a “tour”, and allowing me to understand more deeply the stories of the people who history mighy not have mentioned. Yet, I got to hear stories of others who had suffered and died, simply because they wanted to be free, or as in the case of “Lost Bird” had been innocent and small, and had been stolen from her people, and still, died in a hideous fashion like her ancestors before her.
As I started to begin my journey back down the hill, I couldn't help but stop for a moment to take a long look at the actual site of where the Massacre and Incident would have taken place—now a peaceful field covered with snow...

Yet, in my mind's eye, I couldn't help but picture people in layers, some in ancient Native Dress, running for their lives as the shots were fired that would eventually kill them. Then, another layer of a later time, AIM leaders, and modern indigenous people, again, on land that was given them, still running for their lives, but that time into the fire, into the books of history, into the news of the day—desperately and still trying to be given just treatment, upholding of treaties made, and the respect they have always deserved but never gotten as the Frist Peoples of this land. May they not have died in vain!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

11/22/62---I Remember...

In 1962, I was 7 years old. The previous summer, I'd gotten to see JFK at the Air Force Academy when he came out to the graduation of the cadets there. I remember falling in love with the president because something about him promised a bright future for this young Black girl. H'e'd been behind the Civil Rights movement, and seemed to me to be a really compassionate man.



I, like my peers, was in school, but was home on lunch break when the news came across that he'd been shot. I was taking dried bread to Mrs. Raider next door to us who fed it to her birds, and she told me because she'd been watching the t.v. I ran back home to tell my auntie, and we ran to turn of the t.v. to see for ourselves. I had to return to school, and upon arriving, noticed that the flag was at half mast. When we got into class, we were told to go home, because the president had been killed and school was being cancelled.

Traumas are often either shut out completely, or remembered in vivid detail. I think this was one of the first traumas of my young life. I remember watching with my family over the next few days, seeing the shooting over and over again, until it is now seared into my brain. I remember watching the handsome young president happily waving to the crowds that had gathered in Dallas on that bright November morning/afternoon. Then the shots, watching him slump, watching Jackie in her pink suit with pillbox hat, climb over the seat, the chaos that ensued...the racing away of the limo...the reactions of the crowd...the announcement of his death, the swearing in of the new president Johnson, with a seemingly numb and traumatized Jackie at his side. I can remember the funeral, and as a child, I was so curious about the boots on the riderless horse...watching little John John saluting his father's casket as it went by...

Yes, of course all of these images are online somewhere, yet, I can see them with movement, knowing that they are my own memories of that time in history. I miss JLK and the hopefulness he represented...I miss the innocence I lost when I began to realize, at a very young age, that we live in a world that is often a very scary place. Yet, I retain hope...somehow, I have to hope...


There are so many images that I can't get out of my head. In my book, I mention the bombing in Birmingham less than a year later when the young girls were killed. Then, there was the assassination of MLK...the killings at Kent State, the My Lai massacre, all the hideous images of death from the Viet Nam war...the Columbine shooting, 9/11...

In my therapy program at Naropa, we were taught about trauma and its effects. PTSD as a "mental condition" actually came out of the Viet Nam war, as they began to put together a set of symptoms that the returning soldiers shared upon their return, as well as the feelings and behaviors displayed by those who'd been imprisoned and then released from torture by the Viet Cong, and the NLF during the war.

In my work, most all of us have experienced traumas in our lives, and it's such an important part of healing to be able to work with them. Traumas that aren't dealt with are still in the mind/body/spirit of the person, and will wait there in hiding in the shadows and darkness of the subconscious, affecting ones behaviors and way of living until they are brought into the light. This is no easy process, and I am grateful to be a guide to them, as they begin to uncover, little by little the dark places in their spirits where sometimes awful things have hidden. I have never espoused the idea of having people relive the trauma, yet, there is some value in being able to at least understand why one has behaved in certain ways, and to understand the shame, pain, sadness, fear, anxiety, anger and all of the other emotions that go along with them.

I also have curiosity about the cultural traumas I mentioned above, the many ways in which we see and hear about all that is going on in the world in real time. We get hit with so much, over and over, day by day. Many of the young folks I work with deal with such a sense of hopelessness, and I wonder. I wonder if the constant bombardment, due to the vast interconnections we now have as opposed to 50 years ago, are what cause so many to now feel lost and hopeless about how to be of service or how to try to fix all that is wrong.Yet, at the same time, the interconnections are also helpful in creating places where we can feel less isolated and more interconnected with each other. How might we use this powerful connection to make our lives easier, rather than harder or more painful?

What I do know is that in my world, I am doing all that I can to keep some semblance of hope. With those I work with, I sincerely bless their efforts to understand all that has wounded them, and the strength they experience in trying to make sense of their lives in order to heal. As I watch each of them  come to deeper and deeper understanding, I cannot help but feel there is hope for our world. There has to be a way that if we begin to understand how we are affected by the world we live in, we can see things more clearly, and perhaps there is healing that can occur for us all. Perhaps this is the shift that is spoken of--the pulling away of the blinders, the looking at our world as it is, with all of its ugliness, yet, with all of its beauty as well, and in doing so, beginning to find what it is we can do, how we can have more meaning in our lives...
I have to keep hoping...I have to...

Monday, November 12, 2012

Activism is my right--and I do it from my heart...

I started my path as an activist when I was 8 years old, as I walked with my auntie down the street, holding onto a jar with a candle in it. We were doing that because 4 little girls had been killed that September Sunday morning in the bombing of their church. It was the end of my innocence about a "good world" and that day is forever in my heart as the day I learned to care about what goes on in the world around me.



My belief system is one that says that I chose this skin, and this life as a learning experience. I have worked since I was 8 years old to understand how to defeat the disease of racism, as well as the internalized oppression that was a disease to me, and people of my culture.

My spiritual beliefs come out of a simple understanding that Mother Earth is my first mother--the one who loves, cares and endlessly provides for all of us. It is my duty as Her priestess to connect with Her daily, to tend to Her needs in whatever ways I can, and to listen to and attend to Her children, and bring whatever aid I can to those who may be in need.

I have had occasion in the last week to see and listen to young activists called the "Bee Hive Collective", as well as to gain a greater understanding of all the many ways in which Mother Earth is being raped. I was impressed with the massive amount of information my brain was filled with during this meeting, and grateful for the understanding it brought me of Fracking,strip mining and other diseases being pressed upon our Mother.

I once taught Multicultural classes at Naropa University, and was let go because I chose not to teach about understanding other cultural groups from only a research oriented/intellectual perspective. It was and remains my belief that we can learn things intellectually of course--but we cannot truly understand until we "get it" in our hearts--first.

My activism comes from my heart. I will not endure criticism because I don't know all the right words and politically correct phrases and ways that things must be said and done, who I'm supposed to listen to and how I am supposed to believe regarding political figures, and activist gurus etc. in order to be activist-ly correct. I do my work from my heart and will continue to. This is the way that I know.

I currently wish to simply take whatever things I can gather from my community to the Reservation in Pine Ridge--to the Lakota--my spiritual sisters and brothers. I do this as a way of showing and bringing love to those in need--as has been my way as a therapist, Reiki practitioner, priestess, mother, friend, and sister.

If you have some need to put me straight about my phrasing or terminology, or to change my thinking about how to best be an activist--kindly keep your thoughts to yourself. If you have something in your heart that you want to share with me that we could share together--by all means, open your heart, as will I, and we can start connecting from there...