11/22/62---I Remember...

In 1962, I was 7 years old. The previous summer, I'd gotten to see JFK at the Air Force Academy when he came out to the graduation of the cadets there. I remember falling in love with the president because something about him promised a bright future for this young Black girl. H'e'd been behind the Civil Rights movement, and seemed to me to be a really compassionate man.

I, like my peers, was in school, but was home on lunch break when the news came across that he'd been shot. I was taking dried bread to Mrs. Raider next door to us who fed it to her birds, and she told me because she'd been watching the t.v. I ran back home to tell my auntie, and we ran to turn of the t.v. to see for ourselves. I had to return to school, and upon arriving, noticed that the flag was at half mast. When we got into class, we were told to go home, because the president had been killed and school was being cancelled.

Traumas are often either shut out completely, or remembered in vivid detail. I think this was one of the first traumas of my young life. I remember watching with my family over the next few days, seeing the shooting over and over again, until it is now seared into my brain. I remember watching the handsome young president happily waving to the crowds that had gathered in Dallas on that bright November morning/afternoon. Then the shots, watching him slump, watching Jackie in her pink suit with pillbox hat, climb over the seat, the chaos that ensued...the racing away of the limo...the reactions of the crowd...the announcement of his death, the swearing in of the new president Johnson, with a seemingly numb and traumatized Jackie at his side. I can remember the funeral, and as a child, I was so curious about the boots on the riderless horse...watching little John John saluting his father's casket as it went by...

Yes, of course all of these images are online somewhere, yet, I can see them with movement, knowing that they are my own memories of that time in history. I miss JLK and the hopefulness he represented...I miss the innocence I lost when I began to realize, at a very young age, that we live in a world that is often a very scary place. Yet, I retain hope...somehow, I have to hope...


There are so many images that I can't get out of my head. In my book, I mention the bombing in Birmingham less than a year later when the young girls were killed. Then, there was the assassination of MLK...the killings at Kent State, the My Lai massacre, all the hideous images of death from the Viet Nam war...the Columbine shooting, 9/11...

In my therapy program at Naropa, we were taught about trauma and its effects. PTSD as a "mental condition" actually came out of the Viet Nam war, as they began to put together a set of symptoms that the returning soldiers shared upon their return, as well as the feelings and behaviors displayed by those who'd been imprisoned and then released from torture by the Viet Cong, and the NLF during the war.

In my work, most all of us have experienced traumas in our lives, and it's such an important part of healing to be able to work with them. Traumas that aren't dealt with are still in the mind/body/spirit of the person, and will wait there in hiding in the shadows and darkness of the subconscious, affecting ones behaviors and way of living until they are brought into the light. This is no easy process, and I am grateful to be a guide to them, as they begin to uncover, little by little the dark places in their spirits where sometimes awful things have hidden. I have never espoused the idea of having people relive the trauma, yet, there is some value in being able to at least understand why one has behaved in certain ways, and to understand the shame, pain, sadness, fear, anxiety, anger and all of the other emotions that go along with them.

I also have curiosity about the cultural traumas I mentioned above, the many ways in which we see and hear about all that is going on in the world in real time. We get hit with so much, over and over, day by day. Many of the young folks I work with deal with such a sense of hopelessness, and I wonder. I wonder if the constant bombardment, due to the vast interconnections we now have as opposed to 50 years ago, are what cause so many to now feel lost and hopeless about how to be of service or how to try to fix all that is wrong.Yet, at the same time, the interconnections are also helpful in creating places where we can feel less isolated and more interconnected with each other. How might we use this powerful connection to make our lives easier, rather than harder or more painful?

What I do know is that in my world, I am doing all that I can to keep some semblance of hope. With those I work with, I sincerely bless their efforts to understand all that has wounded them, and the strength they experience in trying to make sense of their lives in order to heal. As I watch each of them  come to deeper and deeper understanding, I cannot help but feel there is hope for our world. There has to be a way that if we begin to understand how we are affected by the world we live in, we can see things more clearly, and perhaps there is healing that can occur for us all. Perhaps this is the shift that is spoken of--the pulling away of the blinders, the looking at our world as it is, with all of its ugliness, yet, with all of its beauty as well, and in doing so, beginning to find what it is we can do, how we can have more meaning in our lives...
I have to keep hoping...I have to...

Activism is my right--and I do it from my heart...

I started my path as an activist when I was 8 years old, as I walked with my auntie down the street, holding onto a jar with a candle in it. We were doing that because 4 little girls had been killed that September Sunday morning in the bombing of their church. It was the end of my innocence about a "good world" and that day is forever in my heart as the day I learned to care about what goes on in the world around me.

My belief system is one that says that I chose this skin, and this life as a learning experience. I have worked since I was 8 years old to understand how to defeat the disease of racism, as well as the internalized oppression that was a disease to me, and people of my culture.

My spiritual beliefs come out of a simple understanding that Mother Earth is my first mother--the one who loves, cares and endlessly provides for all of us. It is my duty as Her priestess to connect with Her daily, to tend to Her needs in whatever ways I can, and to listen to and attend to Her children, and bring whatever aid I can to those who may be in need.

I have had occasion in the last week to see and listen to young activists called the "Bee Hive Collective", as well as to gain a greater understanding of all the many ways in which Mother Earth is being raped. I was impressed with the massive amount of information my brain was filled with during this meeting, and grateful for the understanding it brought me of Fracking,strip mining and other diseases being pressed upon our Mother.

I once taught Multicultural classes at Naropa University, and was let go because I chose not to teach about understanding other cultural groups from only a research oriented/intellectual perspective. It was and remains my belief that we can learn things intellectually of course--but we cannot truly understand until we "get it" in our hearts--first.

My activism comes from my heart. I will not endure criticism because I don't know all the right words and politically correct phrases and ways that things must be said and done, who I'm supposed to listen to and how I am supposed to believe regarding political figures, and activist gurus etc. in order to be activist-ly correct. I do my work from my heart and will continue to. This is the way that I know.

I currently wish to simply take whatever things I can gather from my community to the Reservation in Pine Ridge--to the Lakota--my spiritual sisters and brothers. I do this as a way of showing and bringing love to those in need--as has been my way as a therapist, Reiki practitioner, priestess, mother, friend, and sister.

If you have some need to put me straight about my phrasing or terminology, or to change my thinking about how to best be an activist--kindly keep your thoughts to yourself. If you have something in your heart that you want to share with me that we could share together--by all means, open your heart, as will I, and we can start connecting from there...