Liberation--how did I start?

Navigating beginnings of new relationships is always tricky. As a woman of color, it is extra tricky, as I have been on a growth and liberation path for sometime now.  I taught Multicultural classes at Naropa for many years, hence I've gotten to be an expert in the field.  A part of my journey towards personal liberation, however,  is around learning to explore for myself the ways in which I have been able to name my own internalized oppression, as well as to learn what internalized racism looks like in others, as the two work together. Here is some of what I've learned, along the way.

I met a person a while ago who said, right off--"please forgive me, I will make mistakes around race and such, as I, like all of us in America, was raised in an environment of racism and sexism." They further went on to say: "And I know that you have been having to educate people around you all of your life, so, I am asking you, if you would be willing, to simply point out to me, any occasion or situation wherein I have offended you.” 

I said: "Because you asked, rather than assume that I would teach you, I will be happy to do so. All I ask of you, is that when that happens, and when I point out things to you, please know that it comes from a loving place." From that moment forward, I could trust that person and over time they have been a true and loyal friend.We have navigated various situations together where they learned to be my ally and have my back when racism was coming at me from others, as well as to have wonderful discussions about how we can each help each other and learn to be better at naming and changing our behaviors. We have learned and grown together in major ways. To be around this person is a treasure and one of the places in my life where I get to just breathe and be. 

At other times in my life, I have met people who would say right off, "Well, I'm certainly not racist, I was raised not to see color." To whom I reply: "Well, you have just told me that you will be purposely negating a whole part of who I am." I then knew that with those who speak in this fashion, I must observe them longer, and hold my trust, until I'm sure it can be given--if ever.  Sadly, these persons over time would attempt to show and tell me how superior they were by trying to best anything I would say by giving a “bigger” or “better” story. They would challenge me and try to find ways to narrate my life in their words. They would take any occasion they could to try to belittle me, or see if they could make me feel less than--they seemed to always be trying to "put me in my place" as most racist folks do. 

Because of being raised in this culture as well, I am an acute and intuitive observer, and their attempts were futile and wasted on me. Indeed, I  often laughed to myself, as I found them to actually be comical in their pathetic fear of losing the “top dog” position when they were around me. This doesn't mean I was unkind to them, indeed, I was kind and respectful of them, in ways they never were of me. Yet, their continual attempts were enough to show me that I could never give them my trust, and they would never be a true friend. They wonder always why I keep them at arms length, and that they will never get to see the real me that I show to my dearest and time proven friends.

What these two stories show are two very different ways that those of the owning class, or colonizing group choose to go about working on their own internalized racism. The first is the path of least resistance--look at this culture for what it is, learn from it, seek out information and understanding, learn what it means to be a ally, learn how to connect with people of other cultural groups by showing your open heart and desire to work things out in positive ways...Or...the other path, which is ultimately the path of destruction and the one that perpetuates the ongoing racism and other isms that are present in our culture--like the air we breathe. Ones arrogance and assertion that "I'm not racist" is the first sign to us people of color that you are. The arrogance in somehow believing that one is "above" racism because they were taught that there was no such thing as color difference if very visible to us. They do not understand that color is present. It matters to the whole world, what color one is--it directs quotas, jobs, treatment on all levels, etc. We who are "people of color" means that we have come to understand, how all of these things work, and our color is not something we can pretend away, or wash away, or move away from. Over time, for me personally, I have come to love, and embrace the beauty of my skin, my hair, my dark eyes, my African body and everything else about me that makes me who I am. So, when I am told by someone they don't see my color, they are telling me, in essence that all the ways I am indeed of color, is lost to them, and they negate a whole part of who I am.

If only folks could get out of their ignorance and arrogance to see what they are really doing, and how they are going about actually proving how very racist they truly are overtly and hurtfully. It is sad that they do not see how they are hell bent on proving their rightness and superiority. In doing this, they don't even know that they have probably been insulting others all of their lives, and will continue to do so, until they wake up and see the pain they are causing not just the people of color around them, but all the other people in their lives who are trying to learn and grow out of this disease that has been a part of our culture since its beginning.