The Good Guest  (8/3-8/7/2012)

As I move out into the world—a woman alone, I realize even more deeply and clearly how well my dear aunties prepared me for living life. I’m sure a lot of it was conscious, but there had to be a great deal that was not, a great deal that was simply what they learned from their mothers, and their mother’s mothers. I am hoping with all my heart this morning that I gave my own daughters all those same important skills. I know that they had the sweetest way of saying “thank you’ whenever I’d do anything for them—without fail, that sweet “thank you mom” always punctuated breakfast, lunch or dinners that I made for them. I like to think it is now ingrained in them for their lives as all the things I learned are.

Over the years, I’ve often had friends spend the night, and roommates, and various other shared situations around living space. I think that some of what I learned came from those situations as well. I had one woman friend who was, still is, I guess, a hoarder. She often spent the night; I think to escape from her own living situation. My home was at least mostly clean, pretty much clear of debris—except for the leggos and other various toys that populated the living room when my daughters were young. My friend would arrive always with bags of food, a meal to cook with all the necessary ingredients—I did appreciate that, as she actually was a pretty good cook, even though her own kitchen was often so filled with stuff and dirty dishes, one couldn’t even fix anything more than perhaps coffee or a sandwich. Yet, along with all the many bags of food, she’d bring in mountains of her stuff, and in a very short time, it was all over the house. As much as I could, I would attempt to corral things as I could, but inevitably, she would leave something behind, that would often end up taking up residence in my home for—sometimes—years! Or, another funny trick of hers was to find some large item while scrounging through alleys, or picking up free stuff other folks would leave on a curb. Those things would end up staying in my garage—again, for years sometimes. Sadly, this sort of thing began to wear on my patience over time, and this person is not really in my life anymore…a casualty, I guess, of one not knowing how to be a good guest—you don’t get invited back. Worse yet, people might even leave you out of their life…

I guess I always want to be someone that, after I leave, folks say, gosh, I hope she comes back to visit us again. I would like and feel good about knowing that was the impression I made. Ineed, I will strive to be that kind of guest, I’ll clean up behind myself, offer to do chores, not take anything for granted, and keep track of my own stuff!

What does it take to be a good guest? I think it’s not really so different than being a good person in any sort of relationship.  One must first be simply—aware.  Know what you are getting into, understand the ways of others, know how to say please, thank you, and excuse me…often. If in doubt, say those things more often!

In dream analysis work, to dream of a house is to dream of one’s own body. So, it would also be fitting that whether we are entering another’s home or body, we “should” be mindful, kind and considerate. The old adage about “do unto others” applies here as well. The rape of a body then, is the same as coming into someone’s home as a guest, and destroying it. Much care is needed and required.

Of late, I have felt very joyful in that people are calling me up and actually asking that I be sure to come to spend a few days with them, that indeed, my presence in their home is needed, and wanted. I sincerely have felt so very welcomed and cared about.  Of course, I always think about, wonder and consider, what can I give back for my time there. I’d like to believe that my simple presence is enough, but I’m not willing to rest on just that..LOL! I do offer whatever I can, and I try not to take to much, and I notice if and when it begins to feel that I am overstaying my welcome, and that it might be time to move on.  Help me to always be a good guest, and to bring what I can to the lives of others, and to leave things better than when I came…